Why do men not need perfect wives? Opinion of the psychologist
First of all, I would like to dispel the mistaken ideas of women about themselves. You are not perfect wives. You are boring housewives, who first turn into a boring mother, and then - into a boring old woman.
“And this is ... my spouse,” they say about such husbands, introducing you to their friends. On the faces of the husbands at this moment indifference, and the eyes wander the buttocks of other wives
Everybody is crazy about accepting oneself and another person. But unfortunately for most couples, relationships are two-sided demands. What it is? This awareness of their role and the willingness to demand from themselves and their partner conformity to it. I will explain. If you realize your role as a quiet housewife, it's pretty silly to demand that your husband look at you as a diamond after at least 15 years of your life together. It is enough to sit at home, cook borscht, give birth to children and do not cut it when it goes to the left. He needs it.He gets what reinforces his desire to be a man.
But! If you still see yourself in a different role, then it obliges you to behave in a certain way and demand appropriate behavior from your husband. All your desire to "feel secure and in a stable relationship" is just laziness. Backed by tales of the existence of ideal families and ideal relationships that are “formed by the inner harmony of the couple.” I assure you, this is fantastic, having no place in real life.
The axiom here is this: any man wants to at least occasionally see a whore and bitch in his woman. If she can't match this role, he feels boredom and displeasure, and then starts looking at real whores and stinkers.
Neat housewives like you perceive such women as fallen. In fact, one whore appreciates herself a thousand times higher than a thousand housewives. After all, she knows exactly what she needs to do in order to interest a man, always requires a fee, most often in advance. And she knows that there are a lot of men.
A man needs to get up at least sometimes with a simple look at his woman.He also needs his woman to be completely incomprehensible and belonging to him. Otherwise, the woman turns into a prototype of a pet and merges with the background of the dishware of the economic life. A woman needs to behave and look so that not only her husband, but also the surrounding men pay attention to her. This is a woman who values herself enough to set conditions that allow a man to have her.
As for the remarks about the familiarity of life and forgotten passions, this is a common consequence of the same laziness. Habit never arises, and passion never passes if each spouse tries to transcend himself in a relationship, directing the necessary demands on himself and his partner. Routine absorbs people when they stop wanting, demanding, and changing.
I ask couples who come to me with the problem of the ordinariness of family life, to voice their desires relative to each other. Women most often ask for attention, flowers, going to a restaurant, traveling, etc. Men always ask for a mini-skirt, seductive underwear, a romantic evening by candlelight, oral sex ... I'm surethat in the depths of their souls even the most insecure representatives of our sex want to see an independent, sexy bitch next to them. At least sporadically.
What to do?
It is said that men are mostly children. The child constantly probes his boundaries in the relationship, and if he sees that the parent is unable to support them, he sits down on the head. With men, the same thing. By their betrayal, husbands are precisely finding boundaries. What would a bitch and a whore do? She left, made her crawl on her knees and set conditions for her return that would significantly raise her “price” in the eyes of her husband, after which she would fall in love so that others would not be drawn.
And it's not about paternal upbringing. If you have not yet understood, childhood passed before you, not father, but husband. If you can not distinguish between husband and father, then you are not ready for a relationship with a man. My diagnosis for such a family is infantilism. Two people who live side by side for many years but are too lazy to voice their wishes, demand their fulfillment and work hard to match them. What do you think can be done about it?
Spouses need to draw boundaries, because the question of your mutual exclusivity for each other is more urgent than ever.The coming child will add to both concerns, but not at all the fact that he will hold the family together. I would say that the relationship should be clarified before it is born, because after that it will be more difficult.
We must begin with the fact that none of you exactly understand what you expect from each other. You rather feel that something is missing for you, but you have never admitted this to yourself, much less voiced to each other. The figure remains an abstraction. To begin with, plan an evening to be called “Evening of constructive quarrel”. Take two sheets of paper and, titled "My exceptional partner", describe the pictures of people who, by their appearance and behavior, will not give you any doubt about their exclusivity. Write as if you want to offend each other. Only in this case it will work. Try to avoid stupid abstractions like “He is polite and attentive” or “She is independent.”
After the lists are written, exchange them. Read them once to yourself, and another time out loud. Regarding each described quality that you will not understand, ask a simple question: what can I do, how will I behave,to fit? Do not buy each other faint-hearted abstractions like "You know what I mean" or "This is some kind of feeling that makes me ...". Whenever you receive such an answer, go back to the question. Remember, if your partner wants to admire and be proud of a woman, he will be able to tell you what a woman should look like and act like. Otherwise, he is a weakling, and I do not advise spending precious time on him. It is better to be a single mother.
Of course, the process itself requires exclusivity from the people who decide on it. Its ideal completion - if each of you understands what the other person in the pair is missing, and takes the first step in order to change. But even if this does not happen, such a process will be very healing, because at least you are aware of the difference, which does not allow you to achieve joint harmony and ... choose humility or the path to change.
Hide the wires under the computer desk
Houseware for indoor plants
Who do all married men want
How can cornstarch be used?