Should I communicate with the former? We ask psychologists
Maybe it's right? But even in the most daring “erotic” fantasies, I cannot imagine such a thing. And, honestly, I consider all this friendship after parting as an empty sound. How can people who once were each other husband and wife remain friends? No wonder they say that there are no ex-wives. How can you treat a person as a friend, if you know him more than a friend? You know him as a man. And this "knowledge" does not go anywhere. They remain in the memory. Let it be deep. And why this friendship? What for? It is still a return to the past.
But social networks make us go back to the past. How was it before? He left, that's all. Neither the ear nor the spirit. And now? All in sight. He left, but he did not leave his friends in VKontakte. And you know where he is, with whom, what he ate for dinner, who he met yesterday, what his new girl looks like ... It turns out that one way or another, he is present in your new life.
I remember that my classmate was upset by the wedding due to the fact that he had written his first love in Odnoklassniki, started active communication - memories of the past, flirting, some confessions.In general, his bride saw this correspondence and left. Forever. Although it was filed with the registry office. The guy himself said he did not understand how this happened. Yes, social networks in this regard - a thing at first sight innocuous, but in practice - dangerous. There is an expression - “leaving - leave”. But how can he leave your life if you look at his photo in a tape every day? And here there is one subtlety - in a social network, any responsibility is practically taken away from a person. In real life, my classmate would hardly have met his first love and remembered about the past. And the web is easy. In the message, you can send and kiss, and flowers, and some confessions ... You can be whatever you want ... It's not scary. In a real meeting with this girl, except for a dry “hello”, he would hardly be able to say something. And perhaps his wedding would not be upset. So if you decide to start a new life, then with the former love it is better to say goodbye once and for all. And the superfluous information about the former beloved to you to what.
Another thing - if there are common children. Then, in my opinion, parents are obliged to remain in friendly relations. Children are not to blame for anything.
Well, what does etiquette tell us? How to communicate with your ex-husband at the meeting? And generally, whether to communicate? Etiquette recommends to observe COLD politeness in communication. Psychologists are advised to “work out” the separation and mentally put an end to the relationship for themselves. Then even with a casual encounter, there will not be a feeling of awkwardness. Enough neutral "hello" or "hello." There are families where the wives of one man are friends, go to visit each other, and celebrate birthdays together. In families where there are common children, I would call such an approach wise, but if there are no common children, then why? On the other hand, to avoid, fear, convulsively hide ten years of living together in memory is also wrong. It will be sensible to accept everything as it is, to accept what happened and go on with a light heart and a bright head.
Yana, 28 years old, Saratov
I have been married for one year. For my husband, this is a second marriage. From the first marriage there is a child, a boy of seven years. He lives with his mother, comes to us on weekends. The problem is that the ex-wife of her husband is like a member of our family. She can call us at 11 pm, present a bunch of unfounded claims to my husband about the child.He, in turn, congratulates her with all the holidays and gives gifts. On March 8 he bought us the same perfume. I learned about it from his son. She's like a ghost. It terribly annoys me and pisses me off. I didn't take him out of the family. When we met, he was already divorced. But I did not think that I would have to face this. The husband does not understand why I am so worried. He says that they are divorced and there can be nothing between them. But in fact, it turns out that his former wife and son remained in the first place for him. It is very hard for me to look at all this.
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