Rough treatment in a relationship
DON'T ENABLE DIRECT TALKING
True sex and love are built on shared values, compassion, respect. They can not be where there is a desire to offend, control, humiliation or violence. If one partner harms the other, offends him, then sex should stop until such time as there is a serious conversation about what is permissible in the relationship and what is not, and until the relationship changes. You should not give the partner a signal that he can treat you as he wants, and that his rudeness will not cause any consequences. When you offend people, their natural reaction is to withdraw, to resist the insult. So remember: you must help solve the problem, not silence it.
But this does not mean that you enter into sex with a partner only with the complete absence of his flaws. All people are imperfect, but they still enter into a romantic relationship. Do not demand from the partner what you are incapable of! Insist that you both obey real and feasible rules regarding each other.It always bothers me when a man comes to me and says that after reading our books with Dr. Cloud about the boundaries of personal space, his wife began to demand the impossible from him and refuse him intimacy. If he speaks the truth, then the wife treats him incorrectly. She is trying to manipulate him.
For example, I was very upset when one man told me: he was angry with his wife, while he didn’t shout at her and didn’t attack her. His wife told him that he was trying to control her and stopped having sex with him. If this happens, I can say one thing: the punishment is not proportional to the "crime". Rude treatment inflicts harm on people. Neither spouse is imperfect, but their imperfection does not necessarily cause another injury.
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