How To Spice Up Your Sex Life
How to Spice up Your Sex Life
Every relationship has periods of ups and downs, both times of passion and times when we feel too busy for romance. If your sex life has been down lately, perhaps it is time that you and your partner switch things up. We’re not just talking about in the bedroom. Aim to rekindle the passion and anticipation you once felt for each other just as you try to heat up sexually. Set a more passionate tone, be more adventurous, and be more spontaneous to break out of your romantic rut.
Setting a Romantic Tone
Create the right mood.Setting can do wonders and spark your romantic impulses. We’re not just talking about whether to have the lights “on” or “off” but creating a relaxing mood and environment that adds some zest to your routine.
- Add candles and/or dim lights, for example. Candles make a room feel romantic, but also give off a quality of light that flatters the body. Choose scented candles if your lover likes a particular scent. Soft yellow incandescent bulbs also have hue that can be extremely sensual.
- Play some sexy music. Aim for tunes that are soft and slow and that don’t overpower the mood. You can never go wrong with a playlist by Marvin Gaye, Al Green, or Usher. Or, try a music service like Pandora or Spotify.
- Sprinkle a trail of rose petals from the front door to the bedroom. Let your sweetheart know that you’re waiting for him/her in the bedroom. She’ll be brimming with anticipation.
- Get rid of distractions. Turn off your phone, your television, and your radio and concentrate on your partner. Avoid the radio for playing romantic music. Loud commercials can kill the mood.
Build anticipation.Anticipation and waiting can be highly romantic – even erotic. Let your partner know that you can’t wait to see him/her. Text, leave a note, or surprise him/her with a random call at work.
- For instance, you might call your sweetheart and tell him/her that you can’t wait to see him/her. “I’m really looking forward to kissing you later tonight.”
- You don’t have to be explicitly sexual. Just saying, “Hi, I love you and hope that you’re having a good day!” is enough to build anticipation and passion.
- Try the “Forty Beads Method.” This method was developed by a woman who wanted to spice things up with her husband. How does it work? Each partner has a bowl in which the other can drop a bead when she feels amorous, and the other partner has a certain amount of time to act on the request.
Make time for dates.We all get stuck in ruts at some point. And daily ruts can kill romance. One way to get out of a rut is to make time for passion with well-planned, romantic dates. Take turns planning dates with your partner to experience new things and to create lasting memories together. The more time you spend together, the more likely you’ll be to break out of your rut and rekindle the romance.
- We’re not just talking about the bedroom here, but rather candle-lit dinners, walks at sunset, and cuddling over a movie. These will help to set the scene for a romantic night.
- Go to dinner and a movie. Believe it or not, this old-school date idea still works surprisingly well. Be sure to pick a sit-down restaurant and a movie that both of you will like.
- Make dinner together. Try making a dish from scratch to tap into your creativity. You might also flirt with your partner while you cook by splattering sauce on him/her or stealing a kiss here and there.
- Go on a picnic. A picnic at the park or beach is a great way to get outdoors and spend some quality time. Picnics are great options for sunny days and cost practically nothing.
- Go to a sporting event or a concert. Take your partner to an event to provide entertainment and stimulate conversation at the same time. Or, do something active and adventurous! Try rock climbing, snowboarding, or zip-lining. If it’s winter, go sledding or ice skating.
Maximize play.We are aiming for passion and romance and a whole body-mind experience, not just sex. Sexual intimacy goes hand-in-hand with emotional closeness, so don’t neglect foreplay. In fact, studies show that length of foreplay is a big indicator of long-term relationship health.
- Take things slowly. Cuddle, talk, and let the anticipation build even more. After all, the brain is the most important erogenous zone.Move your way slowly into kisses and caresses.
- Try slowly undressing your partner item by item. Throw his/her clothes across the room for added intensity.
- Make sure to caress, fondle, and touch your partner’s body. The more points of contact you and your partner make, the more intense and close your experience will be.
- Make eye contact. Try keeping your eyes open, even while kissing. Gazing into your sweetheart’s eyes is intense and lets him/her know that you’re paying attention.
Be a good communicator.Developing clear communication will help you to be more attentive to your partner’s likes, dislikes, wants, and needs. You’ll know him/her better in mind as well as body.
- Try asking your partner what he/she likes. This question in itself can be a turn-on. After all, what’s sexier than a partner who truly pays attention to your wants and needs?
- One effective method for communication is to talk in “I” statements. Starting a sentence with “I like...” or “I feel...” puts your feelings and thoughts first and can be a less judgmental way of expressing your wants.
- For example, if you like what your lover is doing you might say, “I really like it when you do X to me” or “It’s hot when you do Y.” If you want your lover to do something differently, an “I” statement feels less accusatory, i.e. “I’d prefer that we go more slowly” rather than “Whoa, slow down.”
Stock up on sexy lingerie.Clothing can add a bit of adventure to your love life. The sexiness of men’s and women’s lingerie lies in the initial surprise. Consider buying some for the first time or changing things up. If you continue to wear the same lingerie, the mystery factor will eventually vanish.
- Vary your wardrobe with several different colors and materials like leather, lace, feathers, and silk. Switch up the outfit to keep it fresh. Try different hairstyles or makeup combinations to compliment your sexy look.
- Guys can stock up on sexy clothes, too. Nowadays there’s a pretty large market for men’s lingerie. While you may not go for skimpy lace or a leather thong, your partner probably has a preference when it comes to your bedroom attire. Ask him or her what would be a turn-on.
Go shopping.We don’t mean Christmas shopping. Find a discreet sex store and go together with your partner to peruse the wares. Take turns picking out different toys to try or videos that you might want to watch. Give each other the opportunity to choose the gadgets that look most interesting and fun.
- There are all sorts of bedroom toys that you might try. Handcuffs and blindfolds can enhance mystery and excitement in the bedroom, for instance. For the even more adventurous, there are also gags and whips – though this might not be for everyone.
- Try alternating and using the toys on each other when you return home. You can either switch places or dedicate an intimate experience entirely to the pleasure of one party.
Role play.Some people find acting out fantasies and parts to be exciting. If this appeals to you, plan out a scenario in advance to create a fantasy character or situation. Role playing takes you out of the restrictions of daily life and puts you in a context where sexual fantasies can become a reality.
- Try a scenario that involves two different characters. Some combinations include the classic sexy nurse and doctor or cop and robber. Other people keep “dress-up” boxes on hand to let their imaginations run wild.
- Become your character. Think about the specifics of your character’s personality. Try to imagine how your character acts, how she talks, and how she would use her body.
- Dress up for the part! Put effort into making a costume. An important part of role play is your altered appearance. Take the time to purchase or make sexy costumes and prepare your hair and makeup if necessary.
- You can ad lib or prepare a script. In fact, a script might be useful in overcoming your self-consciousness. Chances are the words will start flowing as you get deeper into character.
Experiment with food.Add taste to your sensual experiences with food, including desserts, edible lotions, and even edible clothing accessories. You can even target foods that are known aphrodisiacs like oysters and chocolate.
- Some classic choices – for obvious reasons – include chocolate sauce and whipped cream. Both can be drizzled or applied directly.
- Edible lotions, undergarments, and frostings are often available at adult stores. Keep an eye out for these products during your shopping excursions.
- Do like the Romans: take turns feeding each other fruit like grapes or strawberries. These aren’t messy and are easy to eat wherever you may be.
- Wrap your arms around each other before taking a sip of your beverage of choice. While this looks most elegant when done with champagne flutes, other beverages will work, as well.
Watch an adult movie.Some people find adult movies to be exciting and also helpful for new ideas. If both of you are willing, consider renting or buying a film and having a private screening.
- Watching an adult movie can take you and your partner out of your normal routine. For example, you might incorporate it into a role playing game. If you're too shy to tell your partner you want to try certain things, the movie may also prompt you.
- Adult movies aren’t for everyone. Make sure that both you and your partner feel comfortable with the idea beforehand.
Invite friends.Some people also find that switching partners or inviting others to join them adds zest and excitement to the same old routine. For them, bringing others into the mix adds to the experience and allows them to appreciate their partner more, because of the sense of competition.
- While the presence of competition can help rekindle your passion for your partner and give you new ideas, it may have some unexpected consequences. You might find yourself jealous, for example. Obviously, inviting friends will not be for everyone.
- Make sure that both you and your partner are comfortable with the idea of inviting others into your sex life.
- Practice safe sex always, but especially if you have multiple partners. This sort of behavior increases your risk for sexually transmitted diseases.
Explore light kink.The recent success of the “Fifty Shades” book series shows that lots of people are interested in getting a bit kinky in the bedroom. While it might not be for you, some people consider the playfulness, excitement, and control of kink and bondage to be a big turn-on.
- You’ll have to raise the subject with your partner first. You might start with hypotheticals. For example, present your desire to him as a dream you had in which he and you are acting out these desires. See how he responds. If he’s open to it, perhaps try adding some elements into your normal routine like dirty talk.
- If you’re both comfortable, using blindfolds or handcuffs can be very sexy. For instance, you might consider putting a blindfold on your partner and leading him into another area of the house. The fact that he doesn’t know where he is, and that you’re in total control, can be really compelling.
Change things up.Change your routine, and change it in unexpected ways! We’re not, again, just talking about your sexual routine. Whether it is surprising your sweetheart with a night out, a weekend getaway, or a bit of bedroom innovation, try things that will break your rut.
- Surprise your partner. Bring her flowers, chocolates, or a small gift for no reason other than that you love her. Or, plan a secret outing for dinner, to a movie, to a play, or to a concert.
- Book a room at a local hotel. Pretend to be tourists in your own town and take your partner out for a one-night stay. If money isn’t a concern, book at a nice hotel that you both admire.
- For sexual change, try a different location. It’s too easy to get into a routine time and place for intimacy. Be creative. Do you have a pool table? Or maybe even a real pool? Try different places around the house or even outdoors to keep it fresh and exciting.
- The same holds true for how you are intimate. The human body is remarkably versatile and flexible. Don’t neglect the many different ways in which you and your love can be together in the bedroom. If you’re not sure what the options for different positions are, look for a book at your local adult store.
Avoid schedules.Sometimes work and chores get in the way of being in the moment. We try to make time for our partner, but, sometimes, end up with mechanical, routine date nights. If this is your problem, try to break out of your schedule. Woo your sweetheart spontaneously.
- Again, surprise her with a date or even just some quality time together. It can be a movie, dinner, or just watching television together.
- Make an effort to do this even if you have a difficult work schedule. If you normally have work to do on Saturday, try to get it done somehow in order to have a few special hours together.
- Have a lunchtime quickie. Come home for lunch with your partner, and for a roll in bed. You’ll find that switching things up will increase the passion in your relationship and boost your mood.
Whisk your love away on a romantic getaway.Quality time – just you and your beloved – is an essential part of a relationship. You need time together, period. A weekend getaway is one way to get it.
- If you can afford it, book a suite at a ski resort or hotel or rent a cottage on a secluded lake. The point is to have time for just the two of you.
- If you don’t have much money, it’s still possible to get away. Like camping? Pack your tent and head off to the nearest state park.
- Weekend getaways are already somewhat spontaneous, as they take you out of your routine. However, a surprise getaway can be even better. Set the mood on your arrival – flowers and champagne work great!
- Be unexpected.
- Always listen to your partner's needs, concerns, and desires.
- Always communicate openly and honestly with your partner.
- Take risks and try to come outside of your comfort zone a little.
- Respect your partner's limits.
- If you're considering using sexual enhancement products, like pills, creams, or sprays, research them for safety and effectiveness first.
- Don’t push your partner to do something he/she is not comfortable with.
Sources and Citations
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