How to respond to rudeness
In Thailand, we climbed the tower, really wanted to enjoy the view of the city from the observation deck. The guard on duty at the top apologized for a long time that she was not working today and gave us a discount in the restaurant, so long as we did not get upset.
In Mumbai, we got lost with a friend and stopped a girl to ask for directions. Immediately a bunch of her girlfriends came up, two drivers — everyone was looking at our map, explaining how to get to the right place. In general, we were pleasantly shocked by this warmth.
But imagine these situations in Russia. Our controller would have shouted at the whole car: “And what, I caught hares here, let everyone know!” The guard would not only not let me into the museum, etc., but also reproached that we could not read. The road in Russia, of course, will be shown, but it’s already as lucky as it happens that you will still run into rudeness or a hint: “You've come here.” Now, of course, the situation with politeness is changing for the better, but the difference in mentality is still visible.
Of course, we are not able to remake the national consciousness, but to protect ourselves from the aggression of others is simply obliged.As Confucius said: “Good must be answered for good, and evil must be answered with justice.”
Allowing himself to offend a man overgrown with the aura of the victim. And she, in turn, attracts all offenders, real and potential. It is very dangerous to help troubled people by giving them territory to splash out their aggressive emotions.
You can not be silent in response, covering your fear with patience, intelligence, intelligence. Continue the list, why are you silent in response?
Also a big mistake will be to wait from the insults of insight. They know perfectly well that they are wrong, speaking nonsense, deceiving, shouting and intimidating. And they will not stop doing this, because it is so beneficial for them. You are silent.
So, how to respond to rudeness?
Ascertaining the behavior of the abuser
Hearing rudeness, it is necessary to utter a calm descriptive phrase. For example: “You are rude now. Communication in such a tone does not suit me, ”“ You are insulting me now. I can not speak in such a tone "," You are now telling a lie. This is inappropriate. "
If you are on the podium and can not interrupt the speech of the speaker who insults you, the audience, looking at you, will still be waiting for your reaction.In this case, shake your head negatively. If you do nothing, everyone will consider that you agree with the abuser.
Ask the abuser questions. They can be used as a means of pressure, clarifying information, deepening the topic, changing the topic. For example:
"But how would a well-bred man behave in your place?"
“You always have something to say bad. Is not it?"
You can answer the question with a question. It will not be a bad form:
"What do you think?"
Protection of personal space
A lot of people are asking me on this topic, I will probably write a separate article. In the meantime, briefly. No one has the right to climb into your personal affairs, impose your opinion on you, speak incorrectly about you, label and give unsolicited advice. This safety technique must be taught from childhood. There are many adults, even of old age, who have no idea about personal space. And even if such people do not want evil, they still need to be stopped. How?
Today, the phrase "not your business" has acquired a negative connotation, so we use other, less traumatic:
"Thank you, no need to worry about that."
"Do not worry about our business, we will definitely decide everything."
"Thank you for taking care of us, we will do everything ourselves."
If you are trying to judge, you can answer this:
“Who are the judges?”
If you are examining unauthorized persons:
“Am I under interrogation?”
“On what basis are these questions?”
If you are given unsolicited advice:
“Will there be more tips? I really want to learn how to live like you. To an hour of time to spend on the squabble because of 200 rubles. "
“Oh, I love the advice. Do I need to coordinate content with you now? ”
Description of the actions and the problems of snapper
Not every rude person can imagine himself from the outside, especially when he behaves unattractively. Alcoholics are advised to take video, so that by showing them the file, wean them off drinking. Capricious children are brought to the mirror to show how ugly they look now. Well, we will describe the behavior of a boor with the words:
"Do you hear yourself now?"
"Can you imagine how you look now when you tell me this?"
"You are now talking about things that you do not know. And you condemn me for what you do not understand at all. For the choice that everyone makes himself. "
People without strong psychological problems will not be rude.Barkers see their overruns, but they are very afraid of exposing them. Let's try to reveal their cards?
"There is no need to shine your psychological diagnoses."
"I do not have time to cherish your complexes."
In response to aggressive humor: “Are you so funny? And why not on TV? Nobody laughs?
"You are now trying to bite me, hiding behind it your own inability to respect someone else's opinion."
“Everyone advises me to be silent and meekly endure disrespect. Especially those who would not tolerate him for a minute. ”
The "Praise" of the Rude
As we said, the ruffian knows that he is behaving in an inappropriate way. And here you are, such cool, with sarcasm. The technique is good because you do not make claims to you, you praise.
For example, in Lauren Weisberger's book The Devil Wears Prada, Andrea's secretary, on rough directions from Miranda's editor-in-chief, Priestley came up with an answer: "Of course, Miranda. Thank you ... "Let's remember this moment? "I started doing it recently, answered" thanks "for every sarcastic remark and for every rude order - and my tactic was surprisingly successful. She was aware that I was teasing her in this way, but what could she do? Say: "An-dre, I do not want you to continue to tell me" thank you. " I forbid you to express your gratitude in this way. ”
Or, for example, if you meet in your blog a caustic and not particularly intelligent “I can't rye”, you can put the commentator in his place like this: “Of course, this characterizes you as a serious person capable of constructive criticism.”
We can not please everyone. This need not be done. The main thing is to remain happy, because if a person is happy, not a single insult will confuse him. Protect yourself and be happy!
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