Honorable girls who forgot about the right to make mistakes

Are you a perfectionist to the bone marrow and always strive to be the best and jump above your head? Our experts know how to get rid of the hateful pupil syndrome that poisons your life.
Psychologist, psychodrama therapist Olga Mityagina believes that everyone has the right to make mistakes.
Olga Mityagina

This syndrome is most often born in childhood, if the parents require that the child studied only for the five. Those who are accustomed to fighting for their love with the help of ratings, focus on the result in adult life, depend on the opinions of others, painfully experience their failures. Such people have low self-esteem, they always dig into themselves, they are afraid of everything new, unfamiliar, because they do not give themselves the right to make mistakes. “Excellent” is not only suffering himself, but also torments his loved ones with endless anxieties and cavils. And here it is important not to go to extremes, re-educate yourself and try to become at least good.

1.Each time, determine the allowable time to complete the task.

Save time and effort, because there is still no perfect result.

2. Do something new regularly.

It is important to stop focusing on the result and start enjoying the process. For example, mastering the recipe, pay attention to the color and texture of products, smells, their own feelings. Learn to enjoy everything you do, be it cooking, working or playing sports.

Photo: Getty Images

3. Take care of what you are a complete layman.

You can go to the dance - in the group of beginners everyone will not get something, and you will not perceive your mistakes too painfully. Specially immerse yourself in an alien environment. You need to learn how to make mistakes, adequately perceive failures and blunders. To do this, specifically violate the usual way of life. Drawing or modeling also helps to overcome the fear of being wrong.

4. Participate in team games, collective discussions.

Try to work in a group, listen to others. Perfectionists believe that no one will do a better job, therefore it is important to develop the skill of interacting with people.

5.Do not be afraid to look ridiculous.

Allow yourself to just fool around, play around silly pictures, get dirty with paint, play pranks with your children. This will give you the opportunity to feel imperfect.

6. Build your days of disobedience.

For example, once a month, go all day in your pajamas, or do not wash the dishes, or deliberately be late for work. Show yourself and others that you are a living person, not a robot.

7. Make a list of your strengths, the best qualities that you rely on.

Remember what you really are, regardless of success, failure, external circumstances. If you are a loving wife and mother or a caring son - this is the main thing that will always be with you, do not depreciate, even if you make a puncture at work.

8. Praise yourself for any, even the smallest victories and forgive yourself, even the biggest, in your opinion, blunders.

Look at yourself from the side: how many events happened from your birth to today, and you coped with everything. Moreover, on a global scale, your achievements are not grandiose anyway, and failures are not fatal. These are just milestones on the life line.

9. Remember what you have done in the past year or two, what skills you have acquired, what you have achieved

Surely you have something to be proud of.And if something important is not implemented, you have something to strive for. And stop comparing yourself to others. Suffering from the fact that someone has achieved more in life is meaningless and unproductive.

How to help yourself when you are afraid to make a mistake

When you feel that anxiety is rolling, in your head obsessive thoughts that you will not cope with the task, concentrate on your body and try to feel the ground under your feet. Take a comfortable posture, straighten your shoulders, focus your eyes several times on the far and near objects. In this way, you will remove the inner clamp, relax the body and signal the brain that nothing terrible is happening.

Expert of the training center "Sex.RF" Natalia Romanovskaya:
Natalya Romanovskaya

High school syndrome is perfectionism. But perfectionism, which is imposed by parental attitudes: “in order to get something, you need to be something special, that is, better.” At one of the open lectures "SEX.RF" I talked about the syndrome honors. It turned out that almost all the girls present felt this in themselves. The fact is that our mentality and upbringing are very conducive to this.Women with this syndrome try to do everything perfectly, but not for themselves, but more for others. The basis is the fear that if you are not good, useful, comfortable, you simply will not be loved. So it turns out that in sex you try only for a man, in life - for relatives and friends. And for myself - no. But everyone seems to be in love.

How is it in life?

You do everything perfectly. Everything should be under control. And even better, if there is a clear instruction, what and how to do. And most likely, you are largely successful and everyone around you is happy with you. But what is behind this? Other people feel that you can take over everything because you can’t let go of control. They start to use it and put everything on you. The result - fatigue and a feeling of lack of freedom. You do not live in the moment. This is the syndrome of "deferred life": you first need to work, and then something will happen. Because of this, you do not enjoy life. You do not indulge yourself just like that.

What to do with it?

Learn to please yourself. Start with small things, for example, buy yourself a dress and don’t think about whether you deserve it or not. This is the cultivation of a healthy egoism in oneself: please yourself and give thanks just like that. Realize your needs, love yourself.When you delight yourself, the world will begin to change. And the people around will seek to please you.

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