Country "tips", or How much can you tolerate the tactlessness of others
My child is almost eleven months old - this is a time when the details of the first days of a baby’s life are already being recreated, but the memories of a recent pregnancy are still fresh. I ate oranges in large numbers, drove the car very briskly, decided on a cheeky car, started the best dog in the world, ran for lightweight fitness. A spoonful of tar in my busy life added the need to answer absurd questions. And it's not even a question “How do you feel?”. Relatives broke the chain, wanting to look at the results of the ultrasound, to guess the sex of the child using google, then to estimate how much I scored. It became unbearable to go on a visit: you sit yourself, swinging your dessert fork on a piece of cake, when suddenly you hear: “Do you have heartburn from sweet?” Or even worse, you notice an approving smile on your face: after all, the situation is binding.There was absolutely no one to complain, because in response to the whining, the advice was again heard: don't be nervous, hormones are rioting.
But I learned a single lesson from the whole incident: think a million times before asking a question to a pregnant woman, otherwise she will remember your enemy face forever
Those future moms who want to share the results of the analysis or discuss the weight will be the first to speak from the very beginning. In all other cases, silence is gold.
Well, let's say, we managed to cope with pregnancy as a temporary phenomenon. And awkward notes remained and even multiplied. One friend once exclaimed when she saw me with a stroller: so big already ?! Yes, the question and exclamation, seasoned with a sad note, was read in her remark: her peer child was outwardly perceptibly smaller. Everything that usually comes to my mind after such incidents is such a blessing that I care little for other people's children, and even more so their weight and height! Oranges are not born from Osinki, as our masseuse says, and there is some truth in this saying. Why does no one discuss, for example, husbands or boys in this context? “He’s so full,” “Does your husband have short toes, pay attention?”, “Who does your boyfriend look like, I don’t understand”, “Sasha is silent all the time, is he all right?”
I must say that children are an endless source of ambiguous comments, which can be weighed by passing acquaintances and close friends. “Too calm,” “It can’t be that you don’t have colic,” “I don’t understand how you go to a regular clinic,” “He's already sitting ?!” - tell me when to stop
Of course, at first there is a feeling that everyone is incredibly excited about the birth of another baby in the company.
But if it turns out that your child is sleeping, and someone else's child at this age - no, then be ready to write an explanatory. The zombie parents, tormented by bitter experience, do not hesitate to slam, send an angry sms to the second half: they say, Ivanovykh has a small sleepy night, imagine. Again, the best defense is silence. Do not share the achievements of the baby. This is usually annoying for everyone. And to the question “How many times does he wake up at night?” You can always answer “when, how”. More ridiculous comments are weighed by friends under the code name "not in the subject." They can easily laugh at how awkwardly the child makes his first movements, what a funny “bald patch” he has on the back of his head, and perhaps they will ask: why are you squeaking?
Not only pregnant and young mothers, but also couples without children and those who have only one child or two babies of the same sex, usually come under the blow of awkward questions. In the best case, they usually say: "Well, it remains to make a girl" - and at worst - sympathize that again the guy. It turns out that having a child is not all. Common dates, sequences and patterns are floating in the air.
So small, I thought, your children are already going to school, ”a neighbor from the parents' house, with which we had not met for many years, told me the other day. Why, why, why she thought about me is unclear
Lack of ethics revolves around children. It goes to unmarried, divorced, vegetarians who enjoy jogging or yoga and, of course, non-drinkers at parties or in principle. "Are you ill?" Maybe still a glass? ”- a common question, coercion. You have to justify literally everything. Surely they noticed how those leaving to rest leave a comment in the spirit under the photo: “That's it, I'm on the beach, unsubscribe from me.” And all why - under the photograph, people's stamps are already riveted: I hate you, where did you go again, or simply the word "envy".
And what to do with the endless manifestations of human inadequacy and curiosity? There are always options: justification, ignoring, debating, lying, reflection, shame. First, choose the most comfortable for yourself continuation of developments. Secondly, do not forget that the reason for the anomaly probably lies in the usual inability to build sincere dialogues or to keep a distance, to flip over easy phrases or simply keep silent. Because of what people blurt out where they got their thoughts out loud. All that remains for us is to show the children on a personal example a new or perhaps long-forgotten model of normal human relationships with the world around them. And it is likely that another country will replace the councils - a more affable, polite and independent territory.
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